Advice / Building Connections / First Date / Relationship

“I’m new in town.” How to say Hi!

This quote comes from a John Mulaney comedy skit which makes me laugh every time because it references someone introducing himself to John.

Okay, a homeless man. The skit tries to determine how someone would pitch themselves to another. Of course, this is a homeless man and his description is unique as is but truly we all have to find the words to say, “Hi, I am here” and pitch our lives to someone especially if it’s a new date.

Now I wouldn’t take the homeless man’s intro and run with it but you should think about a few things like how to approach another, how to engage them, and how to make them interested in you.

Seems totally easy, but it’s not for everyone.

I know how I capture people. I think being a military kid I learned on the fly. It was part of my life. Saying hi to new people all the time.

But wait I need to see what others are saying so I googled: How to Introduce Yourself to a Guy, How to Introduce Yourself to a Girl. Both searches come up with the same hints.

Hope from Love Panky lists #1 Confidence, #2 Make Us Think, #3 Common Interest, #4 Play It Cool. There are others but that is where she starts.

castles-616573_1920I agree CONFIDENCE is KEY! When someone shows that they are comfortable in their own skin, it attracts attention. I also believe in common interest! If you have something to talk about that you have a reference point, it makes it so much easier to hold a conversation. If you don’t know much about a topic, pull from other resources. You can do that, too. If you are on the dating scene, try to be in the know about sports, events, everything that could be a talking point. Now that can be overwhelming but have something to share.

If you are going to date a runner, maybe bring to the conversation, local races, shoes, training. If you don’t know anything about running, ask about it. Be interested. People will talk about a passion and that conversation may lead to another.

Like: The person says, “I raced in Chicago.” You can say, “I have family in the city. Where

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Talk about travel.

was the race?” I call that bridging. You are connecting two different topics and pulling them together. Not always easy, but if you are listening you can bridge almost any conversation in time. Dogs, hobbies, travel, (Don’t do work, divorce, kids until later), interests, school, etc.

 

Loop from Classroom lists a few more ideas but again notes CONFIDENCE. She notes the importance of preparing an intro, popping questions, rushing speech (usually nerves), and adding things to your name. All AWESOME suggestions as well.

I have no idea who wrote this and the site is crazy busy with pop ups but I love the suggestions on 8 Tips on How to Strike Up a Conversation with a Guy You’ve Never Spoke To. I believe Allwomentalk.com hit some great points!

Did I say I love this list! It is simple and easy to understand.  You should bookmark that site. Of course, there are others, but here are three for you to reference. And truly it is up danbo-2087732_1920to you, your style and how much you what your date.

People say I have this skill. I can go into any room and bring a crowd’s attention to me. Some say it’s magic, but I say it’s using the moment fully to say I am here and talk to me.

Weird. Yes. But true.

If you are in the moment and interested in talking, your body will say so. People will respond to that. Confidence may play into it but it’s more the willingness to be present. I use eye contact a ton. I also align my body toward someone. How you position yourself means a lot! Also, I check in on how I am speaking. I know the first date is challenging but try to speak naturally so the other person will feel comfortable speaking back. If you are nervous, I get it. They are probably, too, so try to relax in that knowledge and speak as naturally as possible.

Introduce Yourself

I may introduce my name but sometimes I start a conversation about whatever then throw in my name later as if an after thought. Names are very important to someone so if someone says there name focus in on it and then later repeat it. That repetition will remind them that you were listening. I also repeat things that were noted prior again people love to know you are listening to them. People want to recognized!

Body Language #1

I use a ton of body language. Smile. Put the phone down. Look at someone. Talk to them. Give them your full attention.

People want to know that they matter and you are there for them.

If you are a poor listener and always distracted, you may need to practice this skill.

I always vision that the world stopped when speaking to someone and I am in this magical bubble and I and the other person are the only people speaking. I place full attention in the bubble. It works like a charm. Most people never get attention so when they do they feel valued.

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Compliment

Yes, compliment! Say something nice. Reference something but don’t make it too over the top. If you don’t have something to compliment, talk about a joint hobby, the place, something that is common ground.  Some people like compliments but some compliments can make people feel uncomfortable so I would stick with surroundings, common grounds then add a personal one. But that is your call.

Body Language #2

 

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LISTEN IN!

Since I am slightly going off the 8 tips from Allwomentalk.com, I will roll with body language. This is a tough one because we usually don’t see each other’s movements unless in a dance class where mirrors surrounding us. We all hate that.

 

So knowing what one looks like is hard.  Most don’t want to know! My suggestion: ASK a FRIEND! Go out with a friend and have them focus in on your shoulders, eye contact, how you stand, how you eat, how you order, how you sit, how you do anything, etc. They may be able to help you alter just a few things. I am not asking them to rip you apart but give you a few hints.

Flirt Body Language

Flirting for some is natural but others oh my. I don’t believe in the totally flirt but in the quiet flirt. I think there is a balance between too much and not enough. I always go back to the magical bubble of engagement. If you perfect the bubble, you will be flirting. This takes time, comfort, and energy but the flirt is key to showing someone you are interested and having them feel it.

Keep the Same Pace

Watch how your date or partner moves or speaks at that moment. If they are talking up astopwatch-259303_1920.jpg storm, pace your response. Your ability to read their cues is essential here. If you are a fast talker, try to slow down especially on the first date. People are trying to take in so much as is that slowing down even just a little is hopeful to the other person. If you are the slow talker, try to watch for disengagement. You will want to engage in body language or what you are saying. Don’t be the sloths in Zootopia.

You have to respond to whatever your partner is giving you. Also be aware of your pace.

Take note: Is your partner/ date able to follow you?

Please, oh please, if you are a quiet talker don’t go somewhere noisy! Try to pick a place that fits your pace.

Practice

 

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I had to with these snowshoes.

If you know that you have the skills to engage another human, you will come off on a date like a pro. Now, this doesn’t have to be the first date but any date.

 

If you are confident, engaged, flirting, reflecting your date, you will ace it.

Practice. We are talking about Practice.  Yes, good old Iverson.

Before you are in the game, Practice!

Practice with a friend. Practice with a family member. Practice in the community. Introduce yourself to anyone and see if you can hold a conversation and create the bubble. It may take a few times before you get everything under control but you can do it.

I am talking about practice.

Please! Try out your skills before you are sitting in front of the date of your dreams. It will save you in the end.

TRY MY SUGGESTIONS & Tell me about how they helped you in comments!

 

 

 

 

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