I travel a lot. Not far but around my area searching for the best places to date and when I am out I mingle. When I find the right group, I ask the most embarrassing question ever. One that people will run from. Not really. But it is similar to saying do you like math, do you eat broccoli, do you enjoy roller coasters, or even would you like to give a speech.
Yep, I ask:
WHEN WAS THE LAST DATE YOU TOOK YOUR PARTNER OUT ON?
When I pop this uncomfortable question, “When was the last date?”, I am always ready for crickets and an excuse.
It happens all the time. Not just married with kids couples but pretty much everyone. I sometimes get people trying to fudge a date. They will make up a date which was really a business meeting or claim hanging out with friends was a date. They can be….but not really. A date really should be two, not four, ten, thousand. Just two.
I have heard it all.
Others don’t want to admit the outing was a date. The outing in their eyes is a typical thing that they do so it doesn’t qualify. Nothing special. It is an activity that they do every Sunday so it’s not a date.
Or is it?
What is a date?
Is a date a night a night on the town? Or a walking the market? Is it just being alone without the kids? Or a quiet night in the house? Can a date be sitting at the coffee shop for 15 minutes? Maybe a date is watching a movie in the house?
A simple definition of DATE – a period of time. So between two points of time is a date. That doesn’t help much. Especially relating to dating.
If the definition of date is a period of time, do we date all the time?
We live in time. Time ticks every day. It moves us through our day. It reminds us that it is morning, afternoon, and night. It demands us to be places, complete tasks, and documents our lives. Time is everywhere.
If a date is a period of time then we all date every minute, hour, day, or even weekly but in reality that is not the case. Most partners will admit to not dating so time doesn’t define a date.
But no? Not really. Or yes? We just don’t realize that we are dating. Has dating just become whatever. It is just thing that is there but not valued.
After speaking with a man, he claimed his date night was hanging with his wife while she performed. I have heard others state their date night is with their kids, a business meeting, or some say we don’t date at all. I guess everyone sees “a date” differently. So how do you define “a date.”
In my eyes, “a date” is a period of time that a couple truly focuses on each other.
During this time, the couple is listening, shutting off the world, and engaging with each other. The couple has a pure intention to check in with each other and be present. A date is a time for slowing down, holding hands, and expressing feelings. A time to show love and be there for each other.
So based on my definition, do you date? Yes. No. Maybe.
If you do, AWESOME. If maybe, keep working on it. If no, well…start.
Personally, I believe people try to date but people need some assistance, guidance, or even a nudge to make dating better, more enjoyable, and fun! Everyone go out but not everyone can truly date.
If you are a couple that struggles with time, money, sitters, what to do, etc, push the excuses away and commit a date. I didn’t define it as the best dining, the best concert tickets, the best location, the best outing. No way.
I defined it as a period of time that a couple truly focuses on each other. Whatever that means to you, do that. Squeeze in time. Put an hour on your calendar for a date. Maybe add it as a repeating appointment. Or think of a thing you do weekly as more than that thing you do but more of a date. If you take a walk every week at the park, this time make it special with holding hands, talking about sweetness and focuses on your partner.
Squeeze in time. Put an hour on your calendar for a date. Maybe add it as a repeating appointment. Or think of a thing you do weekly as more than that thing you do but more of a date. If you take a walk every week at the park, this time make it special with holding hands, talking about sweetness and focuses on your partner.
Or think of a thing you do weekly as more than that thing you do but more of a date. If you take a walk every week at the park, this time make it special with holding hands, talking about sweetness, and focusing on your partner.
So next time someone like myself says, “When was the last time you dated, you can say last week and it was an amazing date.”
I am not one to state stats because stats are number and numbers confuse me but I do know that when people spend quality time together they connect. Couples feel something deeper about each other and they are able to partner through life as a team. One date can do all that.
So after talking with this sweet gentleman about dating, my mission, and the blog, he promised to work harder on planning dates that focused on their relationship and set time aside for them. I loved it. He had a plan and a new commitment to dating. My task was done and another partner in a relationship could see what I see and was ready to define a new dating life.
Maybe when I run into him another time, he will give me a list of all the amazing dates he treated his wife of 30 plus years to. Can’t wait.
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