Relationships experience messy, unexpected tension. Then, require clean up. As individuals, we function uniquely. Some people talk consistently with their partner, others bury their thoughts deep within then explode with tension.
You may walk around for weeks creating a list of you do this and not that. You stir and bubble THEN emotional EXPLODE! This eruption can be from out of nowhere to the another person. They are caught off guard and require some fill in.
Based on your perspective, you can’t understand how the person can’t see the bubbling, why they can’t see all the work you are doing or how you feel ignored. Then, one thing ticks you off and you spray anger everywhere. Then, your partner is in shock, trying to stop the spray of words and manage the clean up. Or you end up cleaning up your own mess by yourself. Never fun.
Instead of keeping your inside’s tight, release your feelings slowly and controlled through talking and listening more frequently. You have to do it in your own way. I can’t recommend one method to fit your situation so you have to find your own techniques like writing down a list or set a specific date to discuss. You may consider using a mediator like a therapist to open uncomfortable discussions, too.
Whatever your method, you must incorporate opportunities for each of you to talk, listen and create plans to move forward. Explosions are good for somethings but they typically are uncontrollable, full of high emotion and traumatic to your partner. Also, the clean up is exhausting. Prevent mopping up emotional messes and allow for deeper, planned conversations to happen.
Yep, verbal explosions happen, but we must every once in awhile incorporate effective, positive ways to share feelings with each other. I know practicing communication methods can be difficult for everyone, but they can also be extremely valuable in creating healthy, functional relationships so I implore you to place energy on this topic. If explosions are part of your communication strategy, that’s okay, but over the next few days try to reduce your tension by planning time to talk, checking in with each other, and creating action plans. In time, you may find switching from explosive to calm and collected will enhance your relationship and prevent massive sticky messes requiring tons of paper towels.