Advice / Building Connections / First Date / Relationship

The Secret Killer

The killer of all dates is the cell phone. Yes, I said it. The small digital box that you carry around with you and cherish as your child that same device will poison your date.

Before the date, put it away and on silence, not vibrate. Tell your love ones that you will be on a date and don’t worry about you. Think of your date as if you are in your car: Don’t Text and Date or Cell Phone Free Zone. Maybe even put on your text response alert: I am on a Date. I will get back to you later.

 If your phone is like your Linus security blanket, try practicing for an hour putting your phone aside, then two, and increase your distance from your phone so during a date the attachment is less and you can relax with your phone either in your purse or next to you on the table. If the phone is next to you, it must be turned over. If it is your first date, make sure your cover won’t offend your date by its images, cleanliness, etc.

 Now, I know it is hard to not look at the candy and not want it, but if the desire to check the phone is there, please use the bathroom as an excuse, but never, ever response to the phone when face to face across from someone on a date or even in a conversation at the bar.

 If you have a sitter watching your kiddos, have a back up response plan and have someone other than you be the first contact. This way you can relax and not worry if you are going to get a call about Johnny not going to bed. Promise, all kids will go to bed eventually.

 I guess what I see out in the world are people on dates and they are on their phones. This is maddening to me since a date is a special time for two people to engage in conversations with each other. I know that there may be the most adorable puppy video, fantasy sport updates or a viral SNL skit that you want to share, but save it for later, not on a date. I will admit that it is so tempting to grab the phone to break the silence or to share someone’s feed, but before you know it you are surfing for the next item of interest. Sadly, in that scan you lost you your partner’s engagement and the moment has fleeted. The movies have it right, turn off the cell phone and enjoy the show.

 As I write this culturally backward rule, I am extremely confidant couples can commit to the challenge. I will guarantee that there will be silence, awkward periods of staring, but both parties know that they are trying to focus on each other and what they are saying which is key to a healthy relationship. This cell phone free moment will allow you to listen and value each other over a post, message, or news flash. As a result, you and your date will feel valued, respected and part of the relationship.

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